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Another joke thread- There were these two..

HaRd2BeAr

Distinguished Member
Warning old fart, dad joke.

I was driving back home from work listening to Christmas songs on the radio.

As ‘Lonely this Christmas‘ was playing I passed one of these new fangled smart road signs. It said

”Mud on the road”

That’s some impressive technology.

Cheers,

Nigel
I don't get it :blush:
 

Trollslayer

Distinguished Member
Or 61.
 

Steve N

Distinguished Member
An elderly man walks into a confessional.

Man: 'I am 82 years old, have a wonderful wife of 70 years,
many children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren
Yesterday, I picked up two college girls, hitchhiking.
We went to a motel, where I had sex with each of them
three times.'

Priest: 'Are you sorry for your sins?'
Man: 'What sins?'
Priest: 'What kind of a Catholic are you?'
Man: 'I'm Jewish.'
Priest: 'Why are you telling me all this?'

Man: 'I'm 82 years old ... I'm telling everybody.'
 

Steve N

Distinguished Member
Two women are going home in the early hours of the morning after a boozy night out.

They are taking a short cut through the local cemetery when they realise they need to pee urgently, so being a bit tipsy they decide to relieve themselves behind a couple of headstones.

The next day the womens' husbands are having a pint together.
One of them says, "I'll need to keep an eye on my wife. She came home last night with no knickers on."
The other one says, "You think you've got worries? Mine came to bed with a card between the cheeks of her arse that said, 'We'll never forget you, all the boys at the fire station!'"
 

Steve N

Distinguished Member
Mick and Paddy are reading head stones at a nearby cemetery.
Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 132!"
Paddy says "What's his name ?"
Mick replies "Miles, from London"

Paddy found this lovely girl tied to the railway track,
He frees her an takes her home and makes some mad passionate love all day and night.
He's boasting to his mate about this great find and his mates asks him..
“what does she look like Paddy”.
Paddy replies “don’t know I haven’t found her head yet”
 

Garrett

Moderator
Nor really a joke or a video clip but of a radio program prank Dead Ringers.

 

Sonic67

Distinguished Member
Warning old fart, dad joke.

I was driving back home from work listening to Christmas songs on the radio.

As ‘Lonely this Christmas‘ was playing I passed one of these new fangled smart road signs. It said

”Mud on the road”

That’s some impressive technology.

Cheers,

Nigel
Who sang "Lonely This Christmas?"

"Mud"

"That's right, that's right, that's right."
 

Tempest

Distinguished Member
So you don't feel too bad, here is the worlds Oldest Joke:

A Sumerian rib-tickler dating back to 1,900 BC which goes:

"Something which has never occurred since time immemorial; a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap
 

Chillie6

Distinguished Member
I don't get any of these jokes 🤷‍♂️
From a Mud song ‘Tiger Feet’
Well that's right
that's right
that's right
that's right
I really love your tiger light
and that's neat
that's neat
that's neat
that's neat
I really love your tiger feet
Ahh they don’t write them like that any more :laugh:
 

MrFraggle

Member
Is it not neat as in.

Yeah, yeah
All night long, you've been looking at me
Well you know you're the dance hall cutie that you love to be
Oh well now, you've been laying it down
You've got your hips swinging out of bounds
And I like the way you do what you're doin' to me
Alright
That's right, that's right, that's right,
that's right I really love your tiger light
That's neat, that's neat, that's neat,
that's neat, I really love your tiger feet
I really love your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Well alright
Well flash your warning lights just as long as you like
I know you're aching to be making me tonight
I've got a feeling in my knees
It's a feeling only you can please
There ain't no way I'm gonna let you outta my sight
Alright
That's…
 

HaRd2BeAr

Distinguished Member
Is it not neat as in.

Yeah, yeah
All night long, you've been looking at me
Well you know you're the dance hall cutie that you love to be
Oh well now, you've been laying it down
You've got your hips swinging out of bounds
And I like the way you do what you're doin' to me
Alright
That's right, that's right, that's right,
that's right I really love your tiger light
That's neat, that's neat, that's neat,
that's neat, I really love your tiger feet
I really love your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Your tiger feet
Well alright
Well flash your warning lights just as long as you like
I know you're aching to be making me tonight
I've got a feeling in my knees
It's a feeling only you can please
There ain't no way I'm gonna let you outta my sight
Alright
That's…
I now get the tiger feet joke :blush:
 

Showoff

Distinguished Member
5832810A-2800-4B70-B252-19CAC7CF6EC6.jpeg
 

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