An update on my son.
As a reminder he has aspergers and adhd diagnosed since the age of 4.
With a lot of support from me, my wife, the education system and child support services we got him through GCSEs with pretty good results and A levels with outstanding results.
He pretty much had his choice of universities, and picked Chemical Engineering and one if the top Russell Group universities for that subject.
We did worry about him wanting to go to a university that was 150 miles away but he was adamant and we gave in, thinking that he has got to become more independent and that is a fairly safe environment to do that. We called it totally wrong, we thought he would struggle with daily life but it was the academic elements that he struggled with. Not because he couldn’t do them but because he was so lazy and had cruised in the past. Okay many kids, especially boys are lazy but aspergers adds an extra dimension. Where most would be lazy, putting off work, maybe skipping lectures there would eventually come a point where they realised the mess they were in, panic and burn the candle at both ends to deliver - they would also learn from it, maybe not all at once but gradually. Not my son, he seemed to have no concept of consequences and would leave assignments, revision etc. to just hours before the deadline - the thing is, he did not learn and nor did we. Each year we would sit down with him and the department (who were excellent) devise a new plan and reset. And each year it was like groundhog day with resits every year. The infuriating thing is that he would sit the exam and get 4%. We would think that he simply did not comprehend the subject that it was beyond him, but then he would do the resit and get 79%. Looking back much if this was because the resit was over the summer break, he was at home so we would sit on him to do the revision. In the first couple of years we asked him whether he wanted to change subject, change university but he insisted that he wanted to press on. Now it is over he confesses that he hated Chemical Engineering, that it was just on the recommendation of one of his A Level teachers that he chose it, would have preferred Computer Science but didn’t have the courage to admit it.
So five years to do a three year course and each year a repeat of the last. At the end he finished with an ordinary degree, lower than a third. He’d actually done a lot better than that in the credits he had completed, but the main problem is that the university had asked him to step down from the final year group project because it was not fair on the others. This left him with insufficient credits to be awarded anything other than an ordinary degree. We raised this with the department and they agreed that it was unfair so they deferred the award and arranged for him to complete the individual part of the group project at home. Even getting him to do that has been extremely frustrating, again he simply could not see the consequences. But it is in now and if all goes well that will elevate his award to a 2:2 honours.
But since last June I have been so depressed. Of course we have been very supportive and encouraging to my son, but in my mind I’ve been thinking we are real world now, an ordinary degree is hardly better than nothing and most employers won’t even look at a 2:2. On top of that, with his aspergers he won’t interview well so I had little confidence that he would get a nice job and feared that he would end up in a harder environment where he would be bullied.
Now the good news.
Aspergers is very trendy at the moment - make the most of it. Organisations are falling over themselves to recognise aspergers and other mental illnesses with pressure to be inclusive and mentally aware.
We spotted that the Princes Trust were running engineering experiences for young adults not in education or work, not just those with mental illness but that was a big part of their intake. They are linking up with companies to provide one month experiences and because it earns them a ‘mental aware inclusive’ badge companies are falling over themselves to take part. My son got on one these experiences with a big local engineering company expressing an interest in software engineering. There were about 15 on the course and at the beginning (and to my surprise) the company said that at the end they hoped to offer employment to all of them - I thought my son must have misunderstood and didn’t dare to hope. But true to their word they offered employment to all, apprenticeships, funded university places and graduate placements. At first they offered my son a graduate apprenticeship, basically be paid £18k to do a degree whilst working and with all university fees paid. To be honest we were more than happy with this but later they realised he had a degree and changed the offer to a graduate placement on £28k.
He has been their two months now, has his own car, really likes it, doing software engineering which is what he really wanted from the outset and is doing well.
Writing this, I’ve just started crying uncontrollably, which beleive me, as I have aspergers myself I don’t do very often. But the relief is so immense, I was so scared and worried about what would happen to him.
So advice from experience - and bear in mind that everyone is different.
1 - if you are looking at universities make sure it is absolutely what they want to do and are not just doing it because someone told them to do it. Make absolutely sure that it is a subject that they really want to do.
2 - sort of conflicting with (1) but consider location very carefully. Balance their (and your) desire to be independent. Remember that you have supported them up to now and whatever they think they still need that support to a degree. I’d advise steering them towards a university close by so you can easily get to see them or they can come home at weekends if they want. Even consider getting them a car so they can live at home and commute to a local university - talk to the university and they will fall over themselves to provide free on-campus parking.
3 - for now at least, mental illness is very trendy and companies are falling over themsleves to prove their mental-aware credentials. Take advantage of that. If going for an interviews don’t hide that they have autism, at the moment it is a big plus on the CV because companies have a quota to fill
4 - look at organsiations like the Princes Trust - get on one of their schemes and that could be a shoe-in for an apprenticeship, a free degree or full employment
Cheers,
Nigel