Autistic son

Have not posted in this thread for a while.

Whilst my son is due to start high school in September he is still awaiting his cams Assessment, forget how long he has been on the list, probably over a year......

With the girls, things have become a bit more difficult, during times of distress they have now perfected the art of triggering each other, resulting in full stereo meltdowns, one of my ear drums has recently popped which makes this a tad more bearable :facepalm:

We also got called into the school for annual review, Unfortunately it didn't go as per usual. The headmaster informed us that due to both the girls complexity they felt no longer had the provision to provide the girls with the education they needed. They recommended that we switch them to a different school in September. The school they currently attend specialise in social communication and Autism with the suggested school covering Autism but also more complex conditions such as Down Syndrome and global development delay.

We just said yes as it was sold to us as that would be better for the girls, and to us thats the only thing that matters.

This week I then read on the news about funding in schools, in particular for those children who require an EHCP.

articles then popped up such as this:-

Children with special needs forced out of school for years amid funding pressures

did make me question the schools decision tbh, but they have assured me that if a place is not found they will not remove the girls from school.

I do worry though, especially for those parents behind us, that continuing financial uncertainty will make it more difficult for children with special needs to get the education they deserve

cheers
 
Have not posted in this thread for a while.

Whilst my son is due to start high school in September he is still awaiting his cams Assessment, forget how long he has been on the list, probably over a year......

With the girls, things have become a bit more difficult, during times of distress they have now perfected the art of triggering each other, resulting in full stereo meltdowns, one of my ear drums has recently popped which makes this a tad more bearable :facepalm:

We also got called into the school for annual review, Unfortunately it didn't go as per usual. The headmaster informed us that due to both the girls complexity they felt no longer had the provision to provide the girls with the education they needed. They recommended that we switch them to a different school in September. The school they currently attend specialise in social communication and Autism with the suggested school covering Autism but also more complex conditions such as Down Syndrome and global development delay.

We just said yes as it was sold to us as that would be better for the girls, and to us thats the only thing that matters.

This week I then read on the news about funding in schools, in particular for those children who require an EHCP.

articles then popped up such as this:-

Children with special needs forced out of school for years amid funding pressures

did make me question the schools decision tbh, but they have assured me that if a place is not found they will not remove the girls from school.

I do worry though, especially for those parents behind us, that continuing financial uncertainty will make it more difficult for children with special needs to get the education they deserve

cheers

Unfortunately it is very true. The school that my wife teaches at is really strapped for money, so SEN departments are really feeling the crunch.

My wife and I were fortunate enough to secure a statement with funding for almost full 1:1 support. Initially, the school suggested that our son would be better off at a special school but as soon as they realised he came with a pot of money they changed their tune and ever since argued the case that he was best in mainstream education - funny that.

I appreciate how tough it must be, my son was in school 1999-2010, even back then getting funding was tough, most parents we spoke to in the support groups had not been able to secure anything and I know it has got harder since.

Cheers,

Nigel
 
Need to be be very careful that you don't assume that all kids with Autism diagnoses are like Rainman or the Accountant.

EVERY kid with autism is different: some communicate 'normally' (often through mimicking), some are non-verbal.

Some have photographic memories, some struggle to remember where the toilet is.

Every kid is unique, with their own personality, strengths and weaknesses.

Our son is 7 next month, non-verbal, 'level 3' autistic. He is hugely empathetic, picks up on ALL emotions pretty much instantly, and loves company but struggles with how to interact with his peers (obviously being non-verbal doesn't help).

Spend a day volunteering at a Child Development Centre and you will immediately see the uniqueness of everyone there.

If you can afford it, ABA therapy can be very effective in developing social skills.
 
Hi guys,

after a few months of testing and analysis my son has been diagnosed with autism. he is 4 (birthday last month)

its at the low end of the spectrum we have been told, and even though we suspected it, its still a hammer blow.

any tips or advise?

we have held him back a year which means he isnt starting school now, he will do another year of pre-school. he was born in august and was 7 weeks premature so really was in the wrong year developmentally anyway. but he struggles to really play with other children and his communication isnt as good as it should be.

its a shame as he is such a lovely little lad. he also seems to be good with empathy, i.e. if he sees someone hurt themselves he goes to help them and is very affectionate, which i thought was uncommon with autism.

i have always suspected i am on the low end of the spectrum.

thanks guys.
In many ways he will be brilliant and in others you wil scratch your head in bemusement. Many things that are obvious to you and your wife, simply won't occur to him. When this happens, criticism will bewilder and hurt him. As an example he might not be able to tell the difference between left and right. As has been pointed out he might make remarks that hurt and upset other people, without realising it was hurtful. Years ago read an article by a woman journalist, who was married to an autistic man. She tried to make the article as light as possible. Her advice to other women entering into a relationship with an autistic man was. Never ask him if your bum looks big in this dress?
 
People like that are valued in various areas that use advanced mathematics, I have worked at places where they are very important to the company.
Think of it as us being general purpose and autism creating specialists, finding what that speciality could take time.
 
I hope it's ok to post this here. I see a lot of talk about low end of spectrum, high functioning and other unhelpful confusing terms regarding autism and this article is really very informative at explaining the autistic spectrum and what it really means for each individual on the spectrum.

My son is often referred to as high functioning, lower end of spectrum and nothing could be further from the actual reality of his situation. Sure, he could build a computer from scratch while he was still at Primary school and by the time he was at Seniors he was refurbing PCs and laptops and selling for profit but he's totally debilitated by such every day stuff the rest of us just get on with. He's 19 and I still have to write him a daily list, get washed, brush teeth, wear clean clothes, eat some breakfast etc otherwise he would sit in his room staring into space in a state of anxiety and that is high functioning apparently!

Anyway here is the article

 
I hope it's ok to post this here. I see a lot of talk about low end of spectrum, high functioning and other unhelpful confusing terms regarding autism and this article is really very informative at explaining the autistic spectrum and what it really means for each individual on the spectrum.

My son is often referred to as high functioning, lower end of spectrum and nothing could be further from the actual reality of his situation. Sure, he could build a computer from scratch while he was still at Primary school and by the time he was at Seniors he was refurbing PCs and laptops and selling for profit but he's totally debilitated by such every day stuff the rest of us just get on with. He's 19 and I still have to write him a daily list, get washed, brush teeth, wear clean clothes, eat some breakfast etc otherwise he would sit in his room staring into space in a state of anxiety and that is high functioning apparently!

Anyway here is the article

Have you heard of the Irlin Institute? Might be worth talking to them, they have places all over the Country. They like to start when they are a bit younger than your son.
Autism means things that are obvious to you are alien to him. He will have developed his own way of dealing with life. Many normal life style situations will frighten him. As you have described they are obsessive and to them it's a refuge from the World. From what I heard of the Irlin Institute they train their students how to communicate better.
Goo luck and best Wishes!
 
No I haven't heard of it, I'll have a google. Thank you. He did start University last September but didn't cope and has deferred until this September. He's got the brains but lacks the skills of time management, personal care, communicating, managing emotions. It all manifests itself in headaches, stomache aches and general lethargy.
 
No I haven't heard of it, I'll have a google. Thank you. He did start University last September but didn't cope and has deferred until this September. He's got the brains but lacks the skills of time management, personal care, communicating, managing emotions. It all manifests itself in headaches, stomache aches and general lethargy.
Hope it's of use? Unless you're autistic it's difficult to understand. Wanting to be accepted by your peer group and bring frightened by it! Knowing you can't communicate and are likely to be taken to task for something you don't understand.
I was pretty poor at school afraid of standing out and as the saying goes 'Hiding your light under a bushel.' In those days beatings by teachers were quite routine. I made a decision early on never to cry, whatever they did. Maybe in a horrible way it toughened me up. Became better at hiding my autism. Better to look stupid than be different?
Went into teaching and things changed professionally. Treated all the kids with respect, yet maintained some authority over the class. Worked hard at it and it showed in their exam results. Never really had any disciplinary problems with them, knew for some of them punishment had no positive effects on their behaviour. Seventy seven now and it's only in the last few years I've come to terms with it. No longer feel the need to be accepted, sorry to say it shows in some of my posts. The only advice I could give to your Son is to focus on the here and now, cope with the present and try to put the past out of his mind. Not easy but with practice it works.
 
Hope it's of use? Unless you're autistic it's difficult to understand. Wanting to be accepted by your peer group and bring frightened by it! Knowing you can't communicate and are likely to be taken to task for something you don't understand.
I was pretty poor at school afraid of standing out and as the saying goes 'Hiding your light under a bushel.' In those days beatings by teachers were quite routine. I made a decision early on never to cry, whatever they did. Maybe in a horrible way it toughened me up. Became better at hiding my autism. Better to look stupid than be different?
Went into teaching and things changed professionally. Treated all the kids with respect, yet maintained some authority over the class. Worked hard at it and it showed in their exam results. Never really had any disciplinary problems with them, knew for some of them punishment had no positive effects on their behaviour. Seventy seven now and it's only in the last few years I've come to terms with it. No longer feel the need to be accepted, sorry to say it shows in some of my posts. The only advice I could give to your Son is to focus on the here and now, cope with the present and try to put the past out of his mind. Not easy but with practice it works.
My son doesn't cry, never did much even as a child, he internalises all emotions but that makes him feel ill. I tell him it's ok to get upset, angry or whatever but he's so awkward and self conscious that he cannot let go enough to show emotion. It's taking it's toll though with his health. Currently awaiting counseling though I have my doubts that it will help as I can't see him opening up to talk, I'm not sure he can articulate how he really feels as I said before everything becomes headache/stomach ache and tiredness. He's just gone to work, he only does two four hour shifts a week at KFC but he goes armed with painkillers, four hours of bright lights, loud noises and trying to behave 'normally' really takes it's toll. Thankfully they've stopped asking him to fetch stuff from the stockroom, the stress of never being able to find what he was sent for nearly sent him over the edge. He laughs about that so at least he's keeping his sense of humour about some of the stuff thast he just cannot do.
I guess seeing him struggle so much with life is why I get annoyed at the misconception that the autistic spectrum is a sliding scale of mild to severe. There is no mild autism even if to an outsider seeing my son driving a car, building computers, holding down a job, being intelligent and verbal it would seem like his autism is mild but if you asked my son if he felt his autism was mild he'd stare at you like you'd gone insane.
 
My son doesn't cry, never did much even as a child, he internalises all emotions but that makes him feel ill. I tell him it's ok to get upset, angry or whatever but he's so awkward and self conscious that he cannot let go enough to show emotion. It's taking it's toll though with his health. Currently awaiting counseling though I have my doubts that it will help as I can't see him opening up to talk, I'm not sure he can articulate how he really feels as I said before everything becomes headache/stomach ache and tiredness. He's just gone to work, he only does two four hour shifts a week at KFC but he goes armed with painkillers, four hours of bright lights, loud noises and trying to behave 'normally' really takes it's toll. Thankfully they've stopped asking him to fetch stuff from the stockroom, the stress of never being able to find what he was sent for nearly sent him over the edge. He laughs about that so at least he's keeping his sense of humour about some of the stuff thast he just cannot do.
I guess seeing him struggle so much with life is why I get annoyed at the misconception that the autistic spectrum is a sliding scale of mild to severe. There is no mild autism even if to an outsider seeing my son driving a car, building computers, holding down a job, being intelligent and verbal it would seem like his autism is mild but if you asked my son if he felt his autism was mild he'd stare at you like you'd gone insane.
Mild autism! It's too real when you are suffering from it ever to be mild. Stunted emotional responses are part of it, when my Mother and Father died I felt nothing. When any of my pets die , I go to bits. Had a dog as a boy and he was the only one who accepted me as I was. You get so hurt by reoccuring rejection, walls are built in your mind. Very difficult to trust anyone even people who are genuine. I worked overseas for many years and got on a lot better with people from other cultures. A lot of our interaction is based on cultural responses. Asked many times why I was so different to the other English people? My responses to them weren't seen as being strange.
Once this Covid thing goes away, it might be a good idea to take him overseas on a holiday, somewhere quiet and peaceful.
 
I'm a 45 year old man with autism. I have travelled the world, been married twice, once for over 10 years, the next currently happy with me after 5. I have a daughter who lives with me and I have a great relationship with. I have a nice little house and garden. I am generally happy enough. I have climbed the highest mountain in the UK. I have swam with dolphins. I have eaten a whole hottest chilli in the world. There are very many other achievements I have done. OP, - Your kid will be ok. :smashin:
 
I'm a 45 year old man with autism. I have travelled the world, been married twice, once for over 10 years, the next currently happy with me after 5. I have a daughter who lives with me and I have a great relationship with. I have a nice little house and garden. I am generally happy enough. I have climbed the highest mountain in the UK. I have swam with dolphins. I have eaten a whole hottest chilli in the world. There are very many other achievements I have done. OP, - Your kid will be ok.
Mixing with other cultures is a good thing for us all. For people with autism it's especially beneficial. You get to realise people are different and you may realise being different is the norm.
 
cheers nigel.

well worth doing it seems! me and my wife had a chat and we agreed to try and use this to get him the best support we can. another family i know's son was borderline so they just carried on as normal, he now struggles a lot as a young teenager and has many problems.

its odd as my son does a few things that seemed very non-autistic to me. he is very affectionate, loves hugs and cuddles. he is very empathic, always goes to help kids who hurt themselves. loves animals. etc. but as you say there are no hard rules for the condition.

Definitely doing the right thing by getting him support early on! Much better to seek early intervention than to let him struggle. I don't know where you're based, but you will have a similar offering near you - my nephew is autistic and the Seashell Trust have been a dream come true for their family. He's stayed in mainstream school but their outreach services have been a real helping hand when we've needed it over the years, and he's been able to socialise and make friends with people who understand his needs. Their sensory and inclusive sport facilities are second to none!
 
My son doesn't cry, never did much even as a child, he internalises all emotions but that makes him feel ill. I tell him it's ok to get upset, angry or whatever but he's so awkward and self conscious that he cannot let go enough to show emotion. It's taking it's toll though with his health. Currently awaiting counseling though I have my doubts that it will help as I can't see him opening up to talk, I'm not sure he can articulate how he really feels as I said before everything becomes headache/stomach ache and tiredness. He's just gone to work, he only does two four hour shifts a week at KFC but he goes armed with painkillers, four hours of bright lights, loud noises and trying to behave 'normally' really takes it's toll. Thankfully they've stopped asking him to fetch stuff from the stockroom, the stress of never being able to find what he was sent for nearly sent him over the edge. He laughs about that so at least he's keeping his sense of humour about some of the stuff thast he just cannot do.
I guess seeing him struggle so much with life is why I get annoyed at the misconception that the autistic spectrum is a sliding scale of mild to severe. There is no mild autism even if to an outsider seeing my son driving a car, building computers, holding down a job, being intelligent and verbal it would seem like his autism is mild but if you asked my son if he felt his autism was mild he'd stare at you like you'd gone insane.

I know exactly where you are coming from. Our eldest went from us believing she could do anything, to doubting if she could have a normal life. All within the space of 6 months. Anxiety issues went through the roof, compulsive routines dominate her life. Everything takes hours and you can't plan or do anything much. Nobody realises how destructive this is not only to the sufferer, but the whole family.
It's hardly 'high functioning' if the person can't live a normal life.
 

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