Malingo's Christmas Countdown!

Tom Davies

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Good Santa to you all, fine patrons of the AVFora.

As Xmas approaches, I challenge myself to watch at least one Christmas moving picture every day.

I will be chronicling these viewings for your reading pleasure.

Some of these talkies will be ones you all know and love, and some will be of a less famous nature.

See if you can guess which is which!

I hope you enjoy the next twenty four installments of MALINGO'S CHRISTMAS COUNTDOWN.

JOYEUX NOËL!
 
Dec 1st

Klaus
Netflix

The main trick up the sleeve of this new animated Yuletide offering from Netflix isn't its CGI as hand drawn aesthetic or it's very capable voice cast, though both of those might be enough to make a stale Christmas cartoon more palatable anyway.
The thing that Klaus does is find a new story out of the Santa Claus myth that feels like old folklore. And what's more, it eschews the usual Christmas trapping until the final minutes in order to tell its story.

A postman, for reasons of plot, is posted (pun ashamedly intended) in a town in the far north with the task of reinvigorating the postal service. And so, for reasons which are born out of selfishness, he comes up with the notion that he could make his numbers by getting the kids of the town to write requests for toys from the local philanthropic toymaker hermit.

I don't know, maybe it's been done before but the conceit of a postman inventing the idea of letters to Santa is certainly something new to me and I really like it. It's devilish and not just a little believable.

Sergio Pablos, the creator of the Despicable Me franchise handles it with more earnestness than you might expect with that pedigree. There is some goofiness to the proceedings but only once or twice does it feel like it's a bit much. Mostly the film is very sincere and all the more engaging for it.

Some of the talented supporting cast including Joan Cusack and Rashida Jones have fun with their material. Others (JK Simmons), do not.
The main character, voiced by Jason Schwartzman, seems to have stolen a performance and cast-off dialogue from The Emperor's New Groove and some of the townspeople have a decidedly Tim Burton appearance. Luckily those things don't distract to greatly.

While it's unlikely that this is going to make anyone's 'best of' list, it is a great looking, sincere and original Christmas movie.

Grade: B-
 
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Dec 2nd

Santa's Best Friend
All channels and Streaming Platforms

Jean-Claude Van Damme stars as a lovable puppy in this heart warming Christmas spaghetti western about a gold miner, turned miserly high-school janitor.
Over the course of 187 minutes, we learn his hopes, dreams and fetishes as he sets out on a quest to rid Santa of his worst enemy...all cats.

I was expecting a cosy kid's movie, where a lesson is learned and the true meaning of Christmas revealed.
Imagine my shock, then, when
The Van Damme dog lectures a retired nurse on Randian ideals and moral objectivism before smashing a bottle of gin across her stuffed aardvark.

I was so appalled, I nearly launched my semi-digested beef bourguignon across the room and all over the TV. Luckily I managed to turn my head just in time and the hose of bile was projected at full force toward the beloved family cat, dislocating three of its shoulders (it's fine now).

It's all shot in luxuriant black and white so you can imagine in your mind's brain that the sand of the desert is actually snow. You can also imagine that the blood splatter in the courtroom shootout is snow. And also that the skin flaking from the eczema on your leg is snow. It's a Chirstmassy delight!

Cinematography by Wally Pfister.

John Lithgow plays the killer octopus.

1 Star.
 
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Dec 3rd

The Santa Clause

Yes, Tim Allen is a giant doofus but this, his first movie(?!) remains pretty watchable.

It's exactly the type of easy to watch family Christmas affair that works perfectly as movie comfort food over the holiday season.

The slapstick particularly appeals to my definitely-a-grown-man sensibilities. And "killing" Santa in the opening act is pretty out there for a Disney movie.

That's not to say it's 'good'.

It's... heartwarming. A full, warm, engorged, sugar filled, bursting, coronary blocking Disney heart.

Grade: C+
 
Dec 4th

The Knight Before Christmas
Netflix

It stars that guy who was an annoying poet in Poldark but he died of, I don't know, dysentery? Pox? some old time disease. Anyway Demelza was really into him for some reason and, good god, he was a wet blanket. Ross had been a bit of a cad with his ex and had basically given her a free pass and she totally wasted it on this idiot! All pasty and pathetic. No good.
What was I talking about?

Oh yes, The Knight Before Christmas.

It also has Captain Sinker from the CBeebies pirate gameshow Swashbuckle in it playing a character called, I kid you not, Old Crone. She has magic time travel powers which she gives to this knight to go and get sexy with some New York woman (it's not definitely New York, I wasn't paying attention) so he goes there and does all your typical fish out of water stuff.

He is spotted by medical professionals and police carrying a sword and claiming to be from the past and yet NOBODY ONCE suggests he should be locked up. The policeman just bemusedly sends him on his way, being nuts and brandishing a giant sword. Fire that police officer, please.

The really unbelievable aspect of the film is that this olden days dude wouldn't be just shouting witchcraft at all the shit he sees and beheading everyone in sight. This girl shows him an Alexa and he's just like "Oh neat!" instead of screaming "WHAT DEVILMENT IS THIS?! THE WOMAN IN THAT BOX PLAYS MUSIC?! WHAT MUSIC IS THIS?! IT IS DEVIL'S MUSIC! I MUST KILL ALL WHO HAVE FALLEN UNDER THE POWER OF THIS GREAT EVIL!" and then just hacking away at the bookcases and windows and houseplants before turning the sword on himself.

Also, what the frig is an Amazon Alexa doing in a Netflix made movie? That's not advertainment synergy at all! Poor show executives.

Anyway, he goes back to the past, back to the future (not Back to The Future, though) and then Christmas happens.

Wait, if the old crone had time travel powers, why would she stay in the Middle Ages for any length of time instead of just hanging out where there's medicine and TV and Tinder and stuff? WHAT AN IDIOT!

Oh, also, the knight comes from the ancient and noble kingdom of Norwich.
I was very disappointed to see that, even in the Middle Ages, the city centre was in the process of being pedestrianised.

I cannot remember the name of any character in this film.

COLE!

Sir Cole was the name of the flipping knight.

Got it. It was Cole, everybody.

Cole.

This was a great movie - watch it with your friends and loved ones.

Grade: D-
 
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Dec 5th

Home Alone 2: Lost in New York

Before I get into the merits and criticisms and whathaveyou about this particular film, I'm always amused by the 80s and 90s fall back position for writing a sequel: "let's do the same thing again...BUT IN NEW YORK!"
Short Circuit, Hellraiser, Friday 13th, Gremlins, Home Alone - all of them within a handful of years had a crack at the old 'New York Sequel'. Gremlins 2: The New Batch is obviously the best of these (and more on its predecessor tomorrow) but I think Home Alone 2 runs a close second.

I first saw this movie when I was 8 or 9 at the cinema and it was actually before I'd seen the first one. That puts this movie right in that sweet spot of nostalgia that is ridiculously hard to chip away at with objective criticism but, possibly due to the fact that I'm old and so, so dead inside, the more I watch it the more I have to concede some of the cracks. SOME.

Tim Curry is, as always, scene stealing. Brenda Fricker, the pigeon lady who reruns a similar emotional redemption arc to that of Marley from the first film, turns in a genuinely affecting performance, I would suggest far beyond what's demanded of her. Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci as ever, go above and beyond in their reactions to being tortured almost to death.

The sets ups are far more laboured but the physical gags are as good as anything in the first movie.
There are a couple of moments, while fun, which are frustrating examples of John Hughes going home early on a Friday afternoon (or, I suppose, being told by the studio execs to dash off an extra page). The carbon copy gangster movie scenes spring to mind as being particularly awkward. But the pace is so great and there's so much to like about the movie that anything that doesn't quite land is quickly forgotten for something that does.

It's also unfortunate that there isn't an equivalent of the journey that Kate takes with Gus Polinski, the Polka King. It's a softening of Kate's character in the first, humanising her, allowing the audience to forgive her mistake. We don't really get that in Lost in New York. Maybe this is because accidentally losing someone in a crowded airport isn't so heinous as outright forgetting a child (though I do find the parents' 1st class tickets while the kids sit in coach kind of iffy). Her reunion with Kevin is effective, but it's missing that something extra, that personal panic and guilt and forgiveness that are all tied up at the end of the first.

[Talking about that first class flight has riled me up now. I try not to get distracted by these things but the level of opulence and the amount of money that this family have is absolutely mental. Last minute flights? Christmas in Paris? His uncle Rob has a townhouse he doesn't really use in NYC? COME ON! I can barely afford to keep my bones from freezing! And on top of that, they all get free presents from Mr Duncan?! This is a bloody outrage. This family does not need free presents!]

Nevertheless, the film is a solid sequel. It's well crafted and full of laugh-out-loud moments and the damage done to Harry and Marv is peerless in its execution.

Final fun fact - Wet/Sticky Bandit Harry's scripted name is actually 'Harry Lime' the name of the criminal mastermind from Graham Greene's The Third Man. A fun little in-joke for John Hughes, I think.

Grade: B
 
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Gremos tonight at the cine-pics.

To answer the thousands of questions pouring in, no, I will not be covering Die Hard. Die Hard is not a Christmas film. It is a divorce film. You can only watch it if you are getting divorced. The time of year is irrelevant. That's why there isn't any snow or Christmas songs in it. Also, Bruce Willis doesn't look like he gives very good Christmas presents. AND when I asked him if Die Hard was a Christmas movie, Alan Rickman himself said "if you don't stop coming round here, I'll call the police."

Case closed.
 
Dec 6th
Gremlins

The opportunity to see this in the cinema with like minded idiots was a real treat. I am completely unqualified to comment on the quality of restoration beyond saying that it definitely looked better than my childhood VHS copy.

I enjoyed the things I always enjoyed about it. Number 1: the abject silliness of everything; number 2: Zach Galligan; number 3: Gremlin hijinks.

But speaking realistically, the effects have aged...quite badly. The monsters are much less dynamic than the film in my memory and although there's a lovely b-movie quality to the film, some bits just look flat out bad.
The best moments are the darkest and, if I were a betting man, the Joe Dante elements. The most awkward are the referential or spoof elements.

I might write something more in depth another time but suffice to say, it's a great anti-Christmas movie that still has a distinctly festive glow around the edges.

But it's nowhere near the masterpiece that Gremlins 2 is.

Grade: B-
 
Dec 7th

A Cinderella Story Christmas Wish

We all know it, the age old fairytale of a girl who is the daughter of a dead globetrotting narwhal biologist but is now a PA for her sisters but who also wants to be a famous Christmas-song-only pop star and, thanks to...just a girl she knows(?) gets a nice dress and flirts with the son of a billionaire dressed as Father Christmas (him, not her - she's dressed as an elf) who, it turns out made his money in 'the music industry' and helping pets with disabilities until she finally goes to his party and gets a record deal.
Just like Charles Perrault envisaged all those hundreds of years ago.

Look, I know in the past I've missed a day and just made up the stupidest shit I could imagine but this is a REAL MOVIE distributed by WARNER BROTHERS. This shit is real!

You can tell it's a Christmas movie because the character who is dressed as Santa is called 'Nick' (we get it), his full name is Dominic Wintergarden (because Winter, etc.) and the girl's disabled dog is called Pere Noel. YES, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE DOG IS NAMED FATHER CHRISTMAS. BECAUSE THAT IS A TOTALLY NORMAL THING TO NAME YOUR TWO LEGGED DOG.

It stars a bunch of Disney channel cast offs singing some of the worst songs ever committed to film, including such hits as "Toys toys toys, toys toys toys. Christmas is a time when you get toys. Toys toys toys."
STOP SAYING TOYS!

Listen, maybe it's just me, but I cannot imagine for one second that we live in a world where someone can get SUPER FAMOUS for helping disabled animals, let alone how the heck you become a BILLIONAIRE from it.

Also, how do you make enough money being a globe trotting narwhal biologist to leave a hefty inheritance sum to your daughter when you die?

This film was exhausting to watch and I realise that I have accidentally succeeded in clawing one of my eyes out while watching it. Now I am half blind for the rest of my life because of this film.

Not worth it.

Grade: D-
 
Dec 8th

A Christmas Carol (1999)
DVD

Contextual information:
I have an obsession with A Christmas Carol. The only book I have read more times is The Hobbit. As such, I consider myself a bit of a Christmas Carol connoisseur. There are a lot of god-awful adaptations to film and TV of the story (It's Christmas, Carol! and Kelsey Grammar's musical); some wonderfully nuts ones (Scrooged, Blackadder) and some very faithful actorly ones (George C. Scott and Alistair Sim both do the role justice). As such, you might find over the course of the next two weeks that I watch at least two other adaptations.

This particular version is the 1999 made-for-TV movie starring Patrick Stewart, Richard E. Grant, Dominic West...frigging everyone's in it.

It's a favourite of mine, not just because of the dream cast but because it's one of the most faithful yet condensed versions of the story. Nothing cut out is in any way essential to the plot or characters and nothing added is particularly wrong footed.

To start with the cast, as soon as he appears on screen it's obvious that Patrick Stewart completely inhabits the character of Scrooge. It's not long before you start asking why anyone else need ever try again to take on the role. Not just his face but every fibre of his body seem to exude malice and contempt. He's not just a miser, he's bitterness personified.

Richard E. Grant as Bob Cratchit looks delightfully Withnail-y and, despite his stature, is able to convince us to accept the intimidation and desperation that comes with living on the knife edge of abject poverty. His scenes with Saskia Reeves, especially in the scenes of Christmas present, are as heart-rending as they should be.

The atmosphere, thanks to some very competent cinematography is brooding and oppressive. Even in scenes of family joy and festive frivolity scenes are shot to give an appearance of being closed in. Even within the houses of the well off, there is barely room to swing a cat and that closeness creates both the choking atmosphere of Victorian London and the desperate coldness of the a Victorian Winter.

The film unfolds it's plot much like any adaptation - it's a very straightforward story (if you conveniently ignore the undercurrent of anti-Semitism and Christian conversion) that's easy to tell, but countless examples are there to demonstrate that it's perfectly possible to tell a good story badly.
This is a good story told almost perfectly.
Each scene is overflowing with character actors putting their all into a well loved classic, not a second is wasted, not a moment is botched. You press play and for an hour and a half you are there, with Scrooge, in your entirety.

If I were to recommend just one adaptation of A Christmas Carol...it would be The Muppets.
BUT
If I were to recommend TWO, this would be the second.

Grade: A
 
Dec 9th

The Holiday


GOD DAMMIT! WHY DID I WATCH THIS?!
OH GOD, IS THAT JUDE LAW?! OH WHY?!

SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S WHERE THIS IS GOING?

OH JEEZ!

THE KILLERS?!

THIS ISN'T RIGHT!

SOMEONE PUT THE KNIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS BACK ON!

Grade: C+
 
Dec 10th

I had a holiday from Christmas movies yesterday in order to regain some of my senses.
Luckily, Mrs Malingo was on hand to step in:

A Christmas Prince: The Royal Baby
Netflix

Amber and Richard are back in the third movie in the Christmas Prince series 'The Royal Baby'. What started as a Netflix original romcom about a plucky New York reporter winning the heart of a vaguely European monarch has now taken a turn for the bizarre. What could possibly disrupt the happiness of the royal couple now their first baby is on the way and it's nearly Christmas? Why, the signing of a peace treaty of course! Except the treaty has gone missing and if they don't find it by midnight their child will be cursed.

It's never been clear exactly where this series of movies is set. The fictional country of Aldovia is simultaneously very European (principal photography having taken place in Romania), very British (cast dominated by British actors, some filming in Wales) and also boarders on the far-Eastern country of 'Penglia'. Flashbacks to the signing of the original treaty suggest Penglia is Mongolia, but it's fun to hear the dignitaries referred to as 'Penglians' which sounds like a three year old trying to say 'penguins'.

So the Penglians are in Aldovia to sign a historic peace treaty but it's suddenly gone missing. Never mind, there are Christmas board games to play and baby showers to attend. Queen Amber is trying to keep them all entertained while also investigating the mystery and instigating non-specific modernisation of diplomatic relations. It's no wonder she's over done it and gone into early labour.

King Richard's little sister Princess Emily has been transformed from heart-warming token disabled child and computer hacker (in the first and second films respectively) to gullible dupe in 'The Royal Baby'. She convinces everyone to believe that there's a ghost and a curse that will befall them if they don't sign the treaty by midnight. Why she's allowed to go on about this to a woman in active labour I have no idea, but she does.

Of course it all works out in the end. Amber manages to deliver a Poirot-style monologue revealing who stole the treaty, signs it and then calmly gives birth to a six week old baby within the space of about five minutes. Bravo for the royal family I say!


Well that all sounded absolutely unbearable. I'm glad it wasn't me watching it.

SEE YOU TOMORROW!
 
Dec 11th & 12th

Miracle on 34th Street (1947/1994)

If you don't know the plot...what's the matter with you?
Fine, I'll tell you:

After a disaterous Thanksgiving parade, a Macy's store hires new guy, Kris Kringle, to play Santa and listen to children's Christmas wishes. He's better than the old, stupid, drunk unconvincing Santa but Susan, the daughter of the uptight parade director, doesn't fall for his act. She knows, thanks to her thoroughly pragmatic (and somewhat trailblazing) mother, that Santa does not exist...until he starts doing subtle but extraordinary things.
Santa's not towing the Macy's line, however, and is sending some customers to Gimbels for better deals, which leads to a confrontation with Susan's mother, Doris who attempts to fire him before Mr Macy himself steps in and insists that Kringle stay. His honesty and kindness has been creating a very loyal customer base. Doris is forced to acquiesce but sends Kringle for a psych evaluation - he does, after all, really believe he's Santa Claus.
Kringle is declared delusional by the psychologist who promptly gives him a crack on the head with his cane. In short order, he's arrested and a trial begins.

Fred, a kindly neighbour, set on restoring magic to Susan and Doris' lives , uses his law firm to defend Kringle pro bono. His opening statement? Kringle really is Santa.

Now go watch it before I tell you how it turns out, you dummies!

Okay.
Let's do this in the right order:

The original is a movie about Christmas miracles which happen because of the outpouring of cheer and goodwill to all men from normal people.
There's a lot of fun in the film especially between Doris and Fred and Kris Kringle and Susan. But more than that, it's sincerely touching. The delivery of Christmas letters to the court and the challenge of whether the judge is willing to legally declare Santa non-existent is on par with the donations of the citizens of Bedford Falls in It's A Wonderful Life.
The film gently pokes fun at Doris' career driven, pragmatic mentality. She's not able to have fun or to appreciate the absurd but she's not unkind or without affection. Edmund Gwen is remarkably convincing as both Santa Claus and as a delusional old man and the balance he strikes really is the lynchpin of the film. You feel ready to believe either way. And that's how writer/director George Seaton wants it, with no definitive answer. Are his 'miracles' magic or serendipity?
By the end, as Susan discovers a dream house to live in with her mother and Fred, just like she wished for, we're hopefully touched enough and feeling Christmassy enough that, sure, why not? He might have been Santa! But that's not the miracle.
The miracle was that the world cared enough about children's experience of Christmas to bend legal precedent in order to keep the magic alive.
It's very simply shot, very unassuming, and utterly captivating.
Actually, I've changed my mind. The real miracle was turning a courtroom drama into a Christmas classic.

The John Hughes penned remake is much less playful yet certainly a little more openly magical than it's predecessor. It removes ambiguity in favour of full blown Christmas magic and in many ways this decision loses much of the real magic of the original. In some ways I still find this surprising of Hughes, whose calling card is heartfelt emotions laid bare.
From the start the film sets a different tone, leaning into the slapstick of drunk Santa and re-establishing the characters as more contextually appropriate to the 90s - which of course immediately dates it far worse than the original.
Ambitious, professional, no-nonsense Maureen O'Hara's Doris is replaced by 90s power-bitch Dorey played by Elizabeth Perkins (because people in the 90s weren't called Doris...but they were called Dorey?) and she is a much less likeable woman. She seems not just business-like but actively cold and dismissive of Susan, played by 90's child-angel Mara Wilson. Likewise Fred becomes Bryan (Dylan McDermott, for some reason) and Edmund Gwen's mysterious Kringle becomes Richard Attenborough's Very-Definitely-Santa-Claus.
It also makes sure we know, right off the bat, that they definitely don't have the blessing of Macy's department store, renaming it Cole's.
Beyond these changes, it's hard to fault the remake, which follows the original almost like for like in many respects. But where Seaton's less-is-more approach slowly beguiles, director Les Mayfield's more is definitely more take on the story feels like it's trying hard to be extra Christmassy and extra miracle-y. I know that approach works for a lot of people, but for me it's a bit much.
Richard Attenborough is incredible in the role. He does everything and more. Of course we believe he's Santa. He doesn't need to talk to reindeer, or to leave a calling card in the magical new house. We would know. That it's so obviously Santa Claus makes it doubly hard to accept when he's accused of being too interested in children. That line always goes down like a lead balloon with me.

Anyway, whichever you watch, you're going to have a thoroughly great time.
Reigniting belief in Christmas is an essential part of a true festive classic, and these movies have that in spades.

Grade: A- Miracle on 34th Street (1947)
B Miracle on 34th Street (1994)
 
I’ll have you know Norwich is the most ancient and noble of kingdoms. That part is based on actual facts.
 
Dec 13th

Elf

If this isn't one of your Christmas mainstays then I question whether you even like Christmas.

There are only four films I insist on seeing once a year and this is one of them.

It's broad, it's funny, it's magical and it has Andy Richter and Kyle Glass as supporting cast.

Even if you're one.of those people who can't stand Will Ferrell, I defy you to watch this picture and not love it.

Grade: A-
 
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Dec 14th

A Christmas Story

I'm aware this is considered a classic by many but it's not a film I'd seen before this week.
So this is likely to be less a review and more a reaction to a cultural phenomenon that I've previously missed out on. As such, there's going to be a lot of 'not in the club' bitterness and a healthy serving of 'I don't want to be in your stupid club anyway' defiance.
So if you like A Christmas Story, yeah, I'm not in your club and I don't care. Bite me.

First impressions: It is an almost lethal dose of Americana.

It's been a long time since I was hit with that much pure American nostalgia. Not since The Wonder Years have I felt so culturally assaulted with how definitely-totally-amazing America was in the good old days.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that per se, I have some favourite films which are definitely on that spectrum, but GEE WHIZZ GOLLY MISTER, AMERICA SURE WAS BETTER BACK THEN, HUH?

So a kid wants a gun for Christmas - fine. His mother won't get him one because he'll shoot his eye out. So he tries to convince his teacher (WHY?) but she says the same thing. Then he asks a Mall Santa and he says the same thing. Finally his dad gets him a gun. BAD CO-PARENTING. YOU SHOULD HAVE DISCUSSED IT, BAD FATHER. YOU HAVE UNDERMINED THE AUTHORITY OF THE CHILD'S MOTHER.
He nearly shoots his eye out, then dogs eat their turkey, then they go to a VERY RACIST version of a Chinese restaurant. THE END!

In between, there are hijinks, a child called Scut Farkus (?!?!?!?!?!) and the world's most annoying narration.

Peter Billingsley is, frankly, near unbearable as Ralphie, absolutely barrelling through his lines with a wide-eyed 'boy howdy' expression on his face. The kid talks so fast that he's borderline incomprehensible at times. Each time I had to consciously work out what he had said I felt more and more incredulous that at the end of the take the director was like "Yep! That's the one! In the can!"

This kid deserves nothing. He's a scheming little troublemaker who never seems to receive any comeuppance for his misbehaviour. Punish this child by getting him coal for Christmas. And make him wear that rabbit outfit for the rest of his life. He is a bad imaginary child and I do not identify with him.

People love this movie! They put it on 24 hours a day in the US! Hey, guess what grampa? The future is better than the past. We don't have high infant mortality any more and we have a think that we put in out pocket that can tell us anything we want to know, anywhere at any time. That's way better than a dumb air rifle. Stop thinking about how great life was for this kid (who incidentally probably got drafted to 'Nam a few years late and burned some villager's house down before having a leg blown off by the Commies) and start focusing on what an awesome time it is to be an 80s business Reganaut, climbing on the backs of the poors to make your first million!

Two nice things: I like the episodic nature of the movie and it's lack of rush to go in any particular direction. That's not sarcasm, I think it's a neat thing to do when you can pull it off. I also think there were a couple of vignettes that were funny (not in a way that makes you laugh but in a way that makes you think 'I can see why that's funny') and they made me smile. They were mostly related to parenting.

Otherwise - I did not enjoy this movie.

Grade: C+
(get it? because that's what the kid gets for his dumb air rifle sales pitch to his teacher. WHY IS HE TRYING TO CONVINCE HIS TEACHER?)
 
Dec 15th

Santa Claus: The Movie

There are two movies here.

One is about Santa Claus and is, let's be real, kind of boring. It's pleasant and magical and warm and fuzzy and...not much happens. It's just some run time of 'look at Santa for a while'.

The other is interesting and subversive and weird but not very funny and probably too long.

The first is what stuck out in my mind before revisiting this movie. The imagery is striking and quintessentially Christmassy and that's clearly what stuck with me as a child.
What I had almost completely forgotten about was the actual plot of the movie where an elf starts designing toys for a big company in New York so that John Lithgow can replace Santa in order to start making money off the enterprise.

It's not bad.
It's not good either, but there's merit in using a film about Santa to criticise the commercialisation of Christmas. I guess there's just more merit in criticising the commercialisation of Christmas whilst not also trying to make millions of dollars selling tickets to a movie about Christmas.

Grade: C-
 
Dec 16th

Dune


Yes it is a Christmas film, shut up.
I watch it every Christmas without fail.

You're not the boss of me.

It is my favourite film ever.
Yes it is, shut up.

It's 100% great.

Grade: A+
 
Dec 17th

Daddy's Home 2

Just some random scattered thoughts about this weird movie:

  • Okay, Will Ferrell's man-child schtick is getting old already and I'm...three minutes in? Oh brother.
  • And there's Marky Mark playing...Mac from Always Sunny?
  • Feel a bit weird about Mel Gibson here. How is his career still alive?
  • John Lithgow is amazing. Will Ferrell is not his son. I've seen 3rd Rock. I know what his son looks like. He looks exactly like John Lithgow but with hair:
    ian.png
  • This is a weirdly socially conservative movie. The 'yay guns' stuff, the vindicated 'tough love/bad parenting' from Mel Gibson, the weird gay joke at the end. Who is this film for? Oh yeah, most of America. Got it.
  • Band Aid is not a good Christmas song. Is that the joke? That everyone is super emotional about it but it's actually a totally awful song?
  • The kids dressed as Band Aid was the funniest part of this film. It starred no named actors and no one said any 'jokes'.
  • Mel, you really didn't need to say "I'm not a heathen." We know. You are very definitely a Christian. A Christian who still holds a 2000 year grudge against those bad, bad Jews. Ugh. Not a funny joke.
  • I feel bad for John Cena. It must suck to have your acting career defined by not being either The Rock or Bautista. Still, maybe if he learned to act? That's definitely helped the other two.
  • Some jokes were not awful.
  • It wasn't particularly Christmassy.
Grade: C
 

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