Messaging an ex

Gagdet88

Active Member
Hi I messaged an ex partner a few weeks back just informal Hi how are you but got ignored. I am married now however I have struggled for 14 years to deal this breakup. I spent 5 years dating after it and also I struggled to find somebody I felt the same about. She walked out on me after just 9 months however my current relationship has been 8 years. I have done much better things with my life like hold a job for a decade, buy a house, get married ect but I did fail when I quit college and also failed my driving test. However it was the influence my ex had on my life which enabled me to do what I done. She found someone within months of meeting me had a family got married and a few years ago got divorced but unsure if she found anybody else.

I wouldn’t expect to just go back with someone after all that time however I read many years ago some people first loves you never get over ect. However that’s not the case as my first love I forgot about her and later seen her as a mistake.

Being single 5 years was one of the darkest miserable times of my life. I was glad to move on. Obviously I haven’t mentioned my current partner much she is less of an influence on me I am more an influence on her I believe. I have met other people like friends who have been female who have been very influencing.

Just wondering if anybody has had similar experiences to me? Or can offer any advice as I know sending the message wasn't really right. I should note I wasn’t messaging her to get back with her but I guess I still have lots of unanswered questions.
 

rousetafarian

Moderator
A 9 month relationship that has troubled you for 14 years since she walked out, have I read that right? Considering she hasn’t responded I’d take that as a sign.
 

Cameron583

Well-known Member
Or can offer any advice as I know sending the message wasn't really right.
You’re right, but don’t beat yourself up over it. I’d be more inclined to think about why you might have done it - are you happy with your life, honestly?

Try and rate yourself at the following categories, out of 10:

Financial
Social
Family
Love

It’s important to be honest with yourself, but it should give you a good starting point with figuring out where you are, so you can decide where you want to be :)

Best of luck
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
In before the lock. :D
 

Gagdet88

Active Member
A 9 month relationship that has troubled you for 14 years since she walked out, have I read that right? Considering she hasn’t responded I’d take that as a sign.
Sure but I often hear of relationships like this. My own sister left someone and it wasn’t his choice. I have no idea how the guy is doing but he maybe felt the same.
 

Hixs

Distinguished Member
What?!

You dated someone for 9 months and 14/5 years later you still have their number?

#stalkeralert
 

hippy240980

Member
Read the book or watch the film "High Fidelity" and then relise that you are not the same person as you were back then and that the person and relationship that you thought was so perfect was not.

It sounds like you are not happy in your own life, or bored, or thinking about how the grass is greener on the other side.
Either way, you could be destroying the releationship you're in at the moment and lose the person who actually wants to be with you.
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
Sure but I often hear of relationships like this. My own sister left someone and it wasn’t his choice. I have no idea how the guy is doing but he maybe felt the same.
Well, of course it wasn’t his choice! She left him!
 

Tempest

Distinguished Member
What?!

You dated someone for 9 months and 14/5 years later you still have their number?

#stalkeralert
That's nothing.
I still have the home phone, mobile number, birthday on my phone and front door key of a lady I was seeing for a few years, who died.
Note: The died part was in no way related to me! It was due to C
 
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rousetafarian

Moderator
Please, for the love of all thats holy please do not in the morning make me read about her pubes left in the bath.......
 

jassco

Member
OP, I'm sure your current partner of 8 years would love to know you've been trying to message your ex
 

The Dreamer

Distinguished Member
Time to move on.

When I was young and immature, I split with a girl in a really nasty way - and I still regret doing what I did.

I often used to wonder how she was doing, and indeed, wanted to apologise for my behaviour back then. I never have.

The closest I came to making contact was to look her up on Friends Reunited - I saw that she was married with a couple of kids, and I was happy that she (from her profile) seemed content. I still regret treating her the way I did over 30+ years later, but at least she moved on.

Nothing good will come of you obsessing over your ex, and life really is too short to keep it as a burden. Move on, and don't look back, and definitely do not try to get in touch again!

IMO
 

mjn

Distinguished Member
Time to move on.

When I was young and immature, I split with a girl in a really nasty way - and I still regret doing what I did.

I often used to wonder how she was doing, and indeed, wanted to apologise for my behaviour back then. I never have.

The closest I came to making contact was to look her up on Friends Reunited - I saw that she was married with a couple of kids, and I was happy that she (from her profile) seemed content. I still regret treating her the way I did over 30+ years later, but at least she moved on.

Nothing good will come of you obsessing over your ex, and life really is too short to keep it as a burden. Move on, and don't look back, and definitely do not try to get in touch again!

IMO
Never apologise, Never Explain, Never look back! :D
 

rousetafarian

Moderator
OP are you telling me you are pining from an old flame from when you were 17 years of age?

Give your head a wobble!
 

King Tones

Distinguished Member
Go all in, send her some flowers and see if she wants to join you and the wife.....what could possibly go wrong ?!?!

Or have a word with yourself and hope your wife never finds out !
 

sergiup

Distinguished Member
Dude... I've done some silly things in my life, so please, please do NOT do this. Have a word with yourself, look at who you were then and who you are now (I would guess you're hardly the same person and a lot has changed), do your best to make peace with the past (after all, it's the past that made you who you are today, and in the past it should remain) and let it lie. I won't go into asking why you felt doing this and not telling your current better half about any of this isn't a great idea... Have you thought how she might feel about it?
 

Sandman

Distinguished Member
Does the 88 in your username refer to the year you were born? That would make you 31/32 and you have been with your wife since you were 23/24 and are pining over a girl you dated when you were a teenager?
If this is all true you really need to make sure that your wife doesn’t ever see this thread.
Back in topic - why did you try to contact this girl a few weeks ago? What answers are you looking for? You don’t contact an ex after 14 years no reason. Be honest with yourself here, were you hoping to find out she is single and still thought about you from time to time?
 

blue max

Distinguished Member
Reminds me of a Jimmy Carr joke.
'Trust is the most important thing in a relationship. Otherwise, how can you trust her not to tell your wife'. :rotfl:
Sounds a really, really bad idea.
 

Wahreo

Distinguished Member
If you’re texting other women when you’re married then it’s time to have a little think about the feelings of the woman you’re actually married to.

if you’re unhappy in your current relationship then it’s best to call it a day BEFORE you start looking elsewhere.
 

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